Wisdom, that's definitely the wrong word. It's plain fear, nothing deeper than that. Selfish, cold, and absolutely more comforting than the alternative -- that doesn't mean, however, that she hasn't considered the alternative. Quite a lot.
"Sometimes," she admits. How could she not? She thinks about dragging Daryl and Carl through to Beverly's utopia of a world where they can explore space with a lot more comfort and certainty than they found on the Moira, about pulling Cinna away from his death once he's done all he could do, about reaching back to Teleios and nabbing their magical pets so they'll at least not be by themselves in that vast place. And she thinks about home, either rescuing their people from it or going back to try and salvage whatever they can. About going back and saving Sophia, saving Lori and Andrea and T-Dog and Hershel, so many that they lost.
But they tried that, once, and it was one of the worst things she ever had to do. They tried to do the honorable thing and go back into the hell they left, and it didn't work, it almost cost them everything they spent years building. If they tried again, who's to say it would work as intended, that they wouldn't get scattered to separate corners of separate universes?
And -- isn't once enough? How many times could anyone ask them to endure that torment? If some of their people found some semblance of peace on some distant planet, wouldn't she want them to stay there? Is the possible good they could do back home really worth giving up what they found here?
"I don't know if I'd ever get up the courage. But..." There's nothing intended to be at the end of that sentence. It's only there in case Daryl wants to say that he does, in which case she wouldn't want to shut him down before he says it. She wishes nothing more than for him to not say it, but if he's going to then she owes it to him to listen.
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Date: 2017-06-24 03:49 am (UTC)"Sometimes," she admits. How could she not? She thinks about dragging Daryl and Carl through to Beverly's utopia of a world where they can explore space with a lot more comfort and certainty than they found on the Moira, about pulling Cinna away from his death once he's done all he could do, about reaching back to Teleios and nabbing their magical pets so they'll at least not be by themselves in that vast place. And she thinks about home, either rescuing their people from it or going back to try and salvage whatever they can. About going back and saving Sophia, saving Lori and Andrea and T-Dog and Hershel, so many that they lost.
But they tried that, once, and it was one of the worst things she ever had to do. They tried to do the honorable thing and go back into the hell they left, and it didn't work, it almost cost them everything they spent years building. If they tried again, who's to say it would work as intended, that they wouldn't get scattered to separate corners of separate universes?
And -- isn't once enough? How many times could anyone ask them to endure that torment? If some of their people found some semblance of peace on some distant planet, wouldn't she want them to stay there? Is the possible good they could do back home really worth giving up what they found here?
"I don't know if I'd ever get up the courage. But..." There's nothing intended to be at the end of that sentence. It's only there in case Daryl wants to say that he does, in which case she wouldn't want to shut him down before he says it. She wishes nothing more than for him to not say it, but if he's going to then she owes it to him to listen.